Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
