so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
