I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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