New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
