My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Randomize
