OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
how drunk are you?
Several
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
