Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
