If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
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