just come out here and I will go home with you...
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
