all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
