I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
