Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
