Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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