i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
