Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
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