Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
