Apparently you make a good broom.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
