youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I touched a dick in church today
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
