i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
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