I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
