My room smells like vodka and shame
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
