i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
