What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
