I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
