If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
