He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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