dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
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