just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize