Fine. I'll sleep in my office
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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