i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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