I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
