K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
