I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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