I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
