I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Randomize
