I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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