You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize