Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
bring money and cleavage
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
