omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
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