I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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