i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
