My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
