make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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