So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
