Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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