my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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