Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
