I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
