Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
