I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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