Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I fill condoms, not promises.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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