just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
As shirtless as possible
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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