once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize