so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Your tits are I can't wait for
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
