Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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