we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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