The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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