dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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