6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
