my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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