you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
