Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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