I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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