I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
