just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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