wat bout pragnant strippers??
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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