Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
