I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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