As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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