I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
