I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
