dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
