so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
