I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
