Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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