you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
