piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
