let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize