I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Randomize
