Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Randomize
