Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
