I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
