its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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